Monday, March 7, 2011

how will you be judged?

We go through life constantly judging and being judged. I sit at my computer eating cookies and considering that maybe popcorn would have been a better choice. I'm judging myself for eating the cookies and having the gall to consider popcorn as a later treat.
Why do we judge? Why do we have to be judged? Why can't we be accepted for who we are? Fat, skinny, tall or short? Who cares? ...Me. I care. I care what people say and think about me. I've experienced extreme judgment and felt proud and accomplished and how I presented myself but at the same time nit picked for not having those same qualities as those who were deemed "better". I'm judged and I judge.
I hate that not good enough feeling. It doesn't matter how hard I try but some days I just can't shake the feeling. Asking myself what can I do to make things better. I do everything I believe to be true but still its there. I smile, laugh, but not like I used to. I want to old me back. Carefree, funny, optimistic.
Everyday we share our lives out in the world. Post whatever we are thinking or feeling or questioning at the time. I do it. But until it means something, I mean really means something, thats when you have the sick feeling that you're just not good enough. No matter what you do. No matter what you say. You will never live up.
So please, someone, accept me for who I am. Don't feel sorry for me because I'm not like you. Don't remind me everyday of my inadequacies (whether you mean to or not). I know them already. Take those things you have and celebrate. Why waste time complaining? Please! For my sake! Just celebrate so I can take my own advice. So I can move on and celebrate the things I do have in my life. We all have those things that others don't so we better not take them for granted. Celebrate them!

4 comments:

Susan Earl said...

I don't judge you. I love you, and I'm so happy you married Jared and joined our family. You're so beautiful inside and out.

Susan Earl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shila said...

Here! Here! Candace, great post!

Bruce and Jeri said...

Whatever happened to make you write this post,...I'm sorry. We should all learn this lesson better. I'm so proud of you for all your accomplishments and so happy you are my daughter in law! I love you, Jeri

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