Sunday, December 6, 2009

Where is the light at the end of the tunnel?

So ... I have bad news. Our last IUI did not work. If you are not aware, Jared and I have been trying to get pregnant for the past 3 1/2 years. We have gone through so many various tests and procedures to discover and/or remedy any issues that may have an effect on why we have not conceived yet. I have been open to talking about our situation with close friends and family but have held off on writing anything down. Which now I regret. I need to get my feelings out. I have a bad habit of holding them in.
With all the tests that our doctor has done we have discovered that I have endometriosis as well as endometriomas on both of my ovaries. The first Laparoscopy I had in August of 2008 my doctor removed any endometriosis he could find and drained the endometriomas. The second time around in September 2009 there was a small amount of endometriosis which he removed and he completely removed the endometriomas. My Endometriomas grew inside my ovaries so when he cut them out I lost almost half of my ovary on one side and about a fourth on the other. My doctor assures me that this will not decrease my chances of getting pregnant but increase them. After the surgery in September I felt optimistic. I first needed to heal for 6 weeks before we could try again. It was suggested that we do another IUI to increase our chances instead of trying "the old fashioned way". This was our fourth. It did not work and I am crushed. Now our options are: a procedure called GnRH-a which will cause the endometriosis (not necessarily a factor of infertility) to go into recession. Here is a link if you want more information.

Our other options are In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) and adoption. I do not have a problem with adoption and will consider if needed but I still want to try for my own. So for now that’s not something we are considering. I personally don’t feel that the GnRH-a is going to help us. Sure it’s always beneficial but with the second Laparoscopy there was very little endometriosis and the endometriomas are gone. I can also save the money that would be spent on the GnRH-a for IVF. I feel like it is going to be our best chance to have our own kids.
All I've ever wanted was to have a family. I don't know why I chose this challenge. I wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy so why would I choose it for myself and Jared? I know that we will have children eventually. God has promised me that. It's just hard to keep that in mind and keep my faith high when every month I'm holding back the tears.


Susan Earl said...

Dear Candace,
I wish I was there right now to give you a hug. I'm so sorry you and Jared have had this difficult trial to go through. I had the same thing years ago and it was very painful. I'll be praying for you and keeping my fingers crossed that all your dreams will come true. Love, Aunt Susan

Sarah said...

I love you guys and have faith that you will have kidS (plural). I'm so sorry that you have to go through this and just know that you are in prayers and have lots of love from your family and friends. We won't understand why somethings happen the way they do but at least we know God loves us. I hope you find comfort through this trial.

Bruce and Jeri said...

Please come talk any time! We love you!

Anonymous said...

Hey Sweetie,
Please know that we will continue to pray for you and your little ones waiting in Heaven to come down and be apart of your family. I have faith that God loves you, knows your situation and will help you. My heart aches for you two and I hope your trial will soon be over!

In the meantime, my kids can always be rented out free of charge ;)

Love Brandy

Shila said...

I feel you sista! It is the most frustrating, heart ache. You guys stay close to eachother. We had lots of years of this too and you wonder, where is the light at the end of the tunnel when it is so dark. Keep your faith. I have thought of you guys often.

Naughty Delilah

Naughty Delilah
Making a mess

Naughty Dexter

Naughty Dexter
Helping with the mess